A Man's Last Thoughts

22.12.09-

A man's last thoughts

I bob like a cork on the dark ocean. The waves, once looking so small from the ship, are actually around 6 feet tall. I'm at their mercy. The noise made by the crashing waves and the howling wind is horrendous. If not for the life-preserver, I would have drowned, not because I can't swim, but because I stopped feeling my legs long ago. According to my watch, I've been here for 5 hours.

I’m surprised I’m still alive. The other screams died out 2-3 hours ago.

The water is cold, cold, cold. I'm pretty much just a frozen block, with a heart that barely beats anymore, floating idiotically in an orange life-preserver amid the furious waves. There are no stars above me. The clouds have blocked them out. The salty water keeps getting into my eyes so I close them and take solace in my thoughts for the umpteenth time since I've been here.

Your beautiful face shines like a beacon in my mind's eye. You look at me, and your face breaks into your most dazzling smile, filling my frozen body with warmth. You walk towards me, your hips swaying entrancingly. I embrace you tightly in my arms. Your hair smells lightly of your favourite shampoo—apple-scented. Together, locked in each other's arms, we bob together on the ocean. But too quickly, you free yourself, and I remember you don't love me. You disappear in a cold haze.

A wave rolls over my head.

Still, I bask comfortably for awhile in the thought of our touch.

It's my turn to go join the others.

I force my numb hands to my stomach, where the life-preserver's fastener cinches me tight. After a struggle, I manage to release it and free myself of the ugly contraption.

I begin to sink. The sound of the churning ocean is strangely muffled under the water. My body sways far more gently with the waves down here. It's peaceful, like being in the arms of your mother when you were small and being rocked to sleep. I don't bother opening my eyes. There's nothing to see and they'll just burn in the salt water.

I conjure up your image in my head for the last time.

Your smile, your voice, your smell, your touch...

Ah...

What is up with us?

This is just a random musing I've been having.
Been too busy and not pissed enough to write on blog lately.

Anyways, English creative short story..........had the wonderful occasion and honor to read many many great stories.

Just one thought: What the hell is going on with us? Not necessarily in the bad way, but it's just peculiar how quite a few stories I've read are completely based on reality, with themes like war, suffering, death, sociopaths, murder...etc.

Not all the stories are like that, I'm sure, but still.....did they beat the imagination out of us? Is the reality of the world catching up with us that quickly? Why write about suffering so close to Xmas? Has the pressure of school gotten to us? Have our brains been damaged, by overwork, or Hollywood....? Why are we so grim?

All good questions that I shall discuss with Master Yoda during our next session.
(Maybe I'm the one going wacko)

Somebody bashed twilight at school today

Les vampires brûlent au soleil, ils ne brillent pas!
- Person who's profession is professing the study of matter and its motion through spacetime and all that derives from these, such as energy and force.

I personally find it quite necrophilic to be doing a guy who does not exhibit any basic signs of being ALIVE.

But I have a far more interesting project to do than to rant about Twilight, (plus I don't want to get attacked by fangirls), so I'll leave it at that.

Toodles

So who's getting shot?

Today, at least half the school got shot with a .50ml dose of the H1N1 vaccine. The usual cases of girls, and boys, but mostly girls, freaking out. The occasional special case where a reaction was a little stronger than normal and treatment following promptly. Nobody dying or fainting, unlike this certain other time... (sec 3 if memory serves)
CBC was on scene as well, for publicity ya know, and propaganda—and I figure I should stop before I start making links with animal farm. (You can see the footage in tonight's news hour, and probably also on internet later)

As you waited, or perhaps even right up to the moment when that syringe gets stabbed in, you hope there's no fuckup with the egg cultures otherwise a damn lot of us are going to be quite screwed indeed.
Guinness Book of World Records for mass assisted suicide by lethal injection in the worst case. (You did consent to it, did you not?)

And please, no more of this inane bullshit about the mercury based preservative making you stupid. If you believe that the infinitesimal amount of mercury contained in the vaccine can screw with your brain, then clearly, the mercury you've ingested in the past has already done all it can. More mercury will not help, or in this case, will not stupefy you further in any noticeable way. It is an issue among babies and young children. Not adolescents on the brink of adulthood physically, and in theory, also mentally. So shut it and go eat a can of sardines. There's a lot more mercury in there than in the vaccine.

But all in all, all's well. For years, WHO, and governments and the usual yadada groups have been floating the idea that we're all fucked if there's a pandemic. (I can't believe there are still idiots who don't know the difference between epidemic and pandemic, so if you're one of them, click on it, and save me the trouble of calling you an idiot.) Luckily, H1N1 is the runt of the possible maladies, and I'd say quite a nice test to various health related agencies and organizations. For once, there was a little glimmer of efficiency in the bureaucracy in getting the vaccine tested and produced. Of course, the rushed testing just increases the chance of a fuckup. Meh, calculated risk, possible fuckup vs. infected in the meantime. Win the lottery while you're at it.

Also, we've gotten an opportunity to see some of the wussies in society. Grown ass, healthy adults, mostly high-placed in the system, cutting in line in front of the elderly, pregnant and other at-risk groups to get vaccinated against a flu that kills only as much as the seasonal flu. How selfish can you get. And almost as proof that hockey is fucking important in Canada, 200 + lbs, theoretically healthy hockey players get vaccinated before their official 'turn' because swine flu was taking a stroll through the team. (Calgary Flames)

Oh, and check out this fuckup I found while researching for this article :

Meanwhile, Bolduc said the province is taking steps to correct an error he said resulted in some healthy prisoners receiving the H1N1 vaccine ahead of the general population. (cbc.ca)

HOLY MOTHER TERESA! How the hell did they screw that one up? Yes prisoners are still humans, yes, their conditions aren't exactly hygienic all the time and may favor the propagation of H1N1, but did you consider how the fuck would H1N1 get into the prison in the first place? How about quarantining new arrivals instead of wasting—in a manner of speaking—valuable doses of vaccine?


As an afterthought, what shit are we going to be in if the vaccinated go apeshit "I Am Legend" style, eh?

!TWEET YOU!

I know I write too much per post, and should have realized more of you don't read at the speed of light. I blame the IB. Anyways, I'm trying something shorter today, BEHOLD:

THE SHORTEST RANT YOU'VE EVER FUCKING READ ABOUT FUCKING TWITTER.


Nobody—except maybe your mom—gives a shit where you are, what you're doing, and we definitely don't want your opinion about it either.

Aside from noticing twitter, the other definitions are:

twit·ter (twtr)

v. twit·tered, twit·ter·ing, twit·ters

v.intr.

1. To utter a succession of light chirping or tremulous sounds; chirrup.

2.

a. To speak rapidly and in a tremulous manner: twittering over office gossip.

b. To giggle nervously; titter.

3. To tremble with nervous agitation or excitement.

v.tr.

To utter or say with a twitter: twittered a greeting.

n.

1.

a. The light chirping sound made by certain birds.

b. A similar sound, especially light, tremulous speech or laughter.

2. Agitation or excitement; flutter.

All of the above gives the picture of a really annoying asshole don't they? TAKE THE HINT! Don't Tweet.

Or, make it interesting, like this guy : Shitmydadsays


[According to a certain ranting teacher, citations don't count, so therefore, this rant only contains 58 words, which is a downright IB miracle for me]

Procrastination is like Masturbation: It's fun until you realize you've fucked yourself.

There's must be something hidden in a teen's psyche leading them to procrastination, (and masturbation, but let's not get into that).

Anyways, going into the 5th and final year of our sentence, in a manner of speaking, people still engage themselves knowingly & wilfully in procrastination. By now, most people have likely experienced at least 4 times the ritual of coming to this realization: "OH SHIT! It's for tomorrow, and I haven't done squat!", usually preceded a few days or hours earlier by the famous last words: "Oh that's easy, I can finish in a few hours." They will then proceed to work their asses off until 2 or 3 AM while praying that Murphy doesn't come around with his shit and bust the internet, computer, or printer.

Refraining from procrastination seems to be something as unteachable as breathing. Or maybe just a problem that plagues schools seeing as teachers also engage in the act. [of procrastination, I wouldn't know about masturbation]

"In IB, we don't believe in miracles, we rely on them!"

There has not been a more accurate quote for it is indeed a miracle that dozens of students manage to start and finish a huge project a few hours before the deadline AND scrap a B or sometimes even an A. Perhaps this is why we don't learn even after all these years. We think miracles will take care of it.

At the time of this writing, I'm sure several of said miracles are in the event of being realized, even though I'm sure SEVERAL more have already happened yesterday for the ENG project. Tomorrow morning, I expect to see the usual number of walking dead with bloodshot eyes, and perhaps the occasional disconcerting eye twitch, from an overdose on coffee and redbull.

The 6 Best Towns To Live in (If You Have a Death Wish)



Now I just wish somebody would take the same concept, but do it with schools...

We're lovin' it. -_-

We shed our usual atrocities in favor of other atrocious wear for Halloween.
The usual mishmash of epic costumes, failed and otherwise were present in force.
[Emos were less popular this year, thank god.]

More and more costumes are tending towards the slutty, but that's to be expected, after all, guys want to see more and girls want to wear less. Or did corporations just pound that into our heads so they can reap in a little more profit? Sexualization of everything for profit? Whatever, ethics class "research communities" are finally over.

Ugh, those research communities were a tremendous example of fail. Sure they made you think and philosophize (is that even a word?), which is the point of the class, but we're not evaluated on that now are we? You're evaluated on what you say. FAIL right fucking there. You are not evaluated on whether or not you've achieved the goal of the class. That's like me building a car and then say it fails because it doesn't fly even though it drives perfectly fine.

It might as well be a public speaking class. Even worse, the importance of the frequency of your interventions is placed above the importance of quality. Hello? Quality before quantity? No point building a million cars that won't run.

What if you don't feel like saying what you're thinking? What if you can't explain? Not being able to explain to someone else doesn't mean you can't understand what you're thinking. In the end, people spew out CANNED shit-arguments to get points. Painfully obvious, mostly repetitive, and only on occasion smart. It NEVER leads ANYWHERE. With good reason. This isn't a debate, it's just people taking turns talking about their interpretation. I support X because Reason A. You support X because Reason B. Am I really going to tell you you're fucking ape-shit wrong and that you should support whatever I'm supporting for the same reasons as me? No. But it is something the teacher does with predictable regularity.

And wow, I notice I've gone off topic. So, back to Halloween. Best costumes were awarded to the four people who decided to dress up as Ronald Mcdonald, Fries, Big Mac and drink.

Mcdonald's really got to us hasn't it? That clown scares the shit out of me.

What is on your mind?

You can infer a lot about what someone is thinking through the person's body language.
(For example: somebody giving you the finger certainly isn't thinking anything good about you)

But sometimes, they explicitly tell you. (Example: I love you)

But on the rare occasion, you let something slip randomly and unwillingly and it can be embarrassing. For instance, in Spanish class:

Teacher: ¿Que hacen los toros?
Student: ¡Testículos!

CSL = North Korea now?!

Some people compare CSL to prison.

But IB teaches us to do much better than that.

When students pull off an A doing a presentation about the similarities between CSL and Democratic People's Republic of Korea (yes, that is the actual official name of NK), you know some exaggeration was involved, but also some epic link-making worthy of the most bullshit-filled IB report ever.

When everybody, even the teacher, cramps up at the comparison between dictator and teacher, press censorship and language censorship, poor living conditions and poor school facilities & food, you know we've reached a previously unattained level of selfpity.





But all in all, the camaraderie is impressive. Mutual support keeps us going. Lots of hope rocks help too. Let us hope the Democratic People's Republic of Korea will one day deserve its name. [<-------What a IB style conclusion eh?]

Laugh and Cry at the same time

From the facebook group 'Reasons to sleep with an IB student'



1) We can fit two years worth into a month.

2) Re-take? What’s a re-take? We get it right first time.

3) We have incredible endurance.

4) No matter how much work we have, we can still make free time for ourselves.

5) We can serenade our partners in at least 2 different languages.

6) Our Physicists are experts at handling the forces between two objects.

7) Our Biologists know their way around the human body better than any other 6th form student.

8) The chemistry in a relationship is mere child’s play to our higher Chemists.

9) Our Mathematicians’ knowledge of projectile motion means that things will never get messy – unless you want them to.

10) We are experts at getting the maximum amount of work done with the least amount of effort.

11) Because we do it with creativity, action and (give you a) service.

12) We have experience in extended activity.

13) We can take it to a Higher Level.

14) "A-level students are like tired old bangers; they'll do the job, but it'll be a bit boring. IB students go like Ferraris."

15) Our English syllabus puts a lot of emphasis on oral assessment.

16) No need for modules here; we do it all in one go.

17) It's widely recognised that IB is longer and harder.

18) Haven't you seen the IB people wandering around saying how fucked they are?

19) We're used to going all night long.

20) Our Computer Scientists can push all the right buttons.

21) Our Economists know just how to supply what you demand.

22) A session with one of our Pyschologists will relieve stress and help you sleep at night; and I'm not talking about Insomnia Therapy.

23) We IBers fall asleep in class so that we can get more done at night.

24) Experiments conducted around the world have at last confirmed what we have long suspected: sleeping with an IB student can in some cases double the IQ of a student doing a less rigorous qualification.

25) Our Group 4 students are fearless when it comes to experimentation.

26) We treat you like we treat our homework - we slam you on the table and do you all night long.

27) Thanks to TOK, we have several different methods for getting to 'know' you.

28) We go beyond doing just what we have to do, to make things more interesting.

29) Our Geographers know what to push and how to pull.

30) If you want, we work well in larger groups.

31) We can think creatively and come from all sorts of new angles.

32) Essays aren't the only thing we can pull out of our pockets at a moment's notice.

33) Our musicians will bring things to a slow swell followed by a climax.

34) Our Design & Technology students know just what materials and methods are right for you.

35) We can assess you both externally and internally.

36) Hey, we do need some reason to sleep.

37) We're willing to try new methods to get better results.

TEEHEE Fire Drill

Firefighters, seeing as it's week for fire prevention (who knew?) screwed us with an unannounced fire evac drill.

Again, I can't help but point out how absolutely CRAP our fire bell is. It's the sound of a hammer hitting plastic. And if you search around in the past posts, I vaguely recall comparing the sound of the firebell to someone passing wind. Something like that.

Anyway, it's absolutely positively almost SAD how the reform managed to even infiltrate into the eval of our evac.

It's mind-boggling, check this shit out, I'll try to quote as precisely as possible:

"The evac drill was UNKNOWN to all staff. We'd like to mention the students in classes on the ground floor facing Trudeau street should exit via the front exit and walk around to the assembly area: the school yard. It was a little SLOW, but we'd like to congratulate the two temporarily physically disabled persons who followed proper evac procedure and waited to descend the stairs last. Also, generally, the evac was quick and orderly considering the state of congestion in the hallways."

Wow, it was SLOW but relatively FAST considering the state of congestion. So reform. If it were real, we'd be toast anyway, now wouldn't we? But still, reform means we have to find some good in the bad so the children's self esteem won't be harmed. I'm not against it glossing the hard truth over if we were a primary school, but we're all sec 3-4-5 there. Be honest and do yourself and all of us a favor. The eval should have been something like this:

"Listen up, dead people, the evac was horrific. In fact, you'd all be DEAD. You idiots in the ground floor classes facing Trudeau who went the wrong way, you're responsible for killing a hundred or so of your classmates. Next time, take the correct exit, that being the FRONT exit and take a hike around the school to reach the school yard. And congratulations to the two temporarily physically disabled persons for following proper procedure, but try to NOT be temporarily disabled when a real fire breaks out, your chances of surviving without looking like BBQ will be greatly increased. All in all, it was TOO slow. I wouldn't bet my life on all the asbestos retarding the fire sufficiently to let you all make it out in 2 minutes. It's 90 seconds or you can roast in Hell. Happy fire prevention week!"

{Surrogate editor says article should've ended here. I agree, so feel free to stop reading at this point}

But honestly, it doesn't really matter. Drills are more about ass covering than anything else so when there actually is a fire and somehow everybody got carbonized, they can say "look, we did our job, we drilled them!"

In my experience SHIT HAPPENS, and NOTHING goes according to plan. In dangerous situations, everything goes to hell and faster than you can say "oh shit".

Sure drills help, but how much you want to bet the real fire is going to occur in a stairwell, or similar chokepoint? Murphy's Law is a real bitch.
Then, all we have to get us through it is wits, luck and prayer. This isn't reassuring consider the panicky nature of sec 3s as witnessed during the 211s rock incident.
Perhaps the evac will be relatively calm until they spot the fiery orange glow at which point you can bet hallways will turn into meat grinders. It's ironic how in the majority of evacuations, more people are trampled by panicky idiots than hurt by whatever reason they're evacuating in the first place.

As a side note, nobody told anybody that in presence of smoke, we should crawl... at this point, I'm hoping it's because they FORGOT rather than that they assumed that everybody in the school is that intuitive.

Epic & Awesome Productions Proudly Presents...

...The Five Areas of Interaction In Motivational Poster Form! Big Thanks to all IB students and teachers, IBquotes.com, my sister, and friends. (click for bigger pic)











Please don't spread these everywhere, and god forbid if you try making money off of them.

What do you believe in?

This was supposed to be a rant on how religions are fucked up, particularly extremist groups, but in doing research, I've been progressively scary the shit out of myself more and more, and don't want the shit blown out of me by fertilizer, my eyes gouged out, or end up speared by a white horseman. So instead, behold,

the 13 Commandments to an epic sect/cult called EpiK Failism

1- If thou succeed at something, REPENT to a Fail Priest ASAP.

2-Thou must fall, or walk into someone/a wall at least once per rotation of the planet.

3-Formal greetings shalt be completed by missing a high five.

4-Per year, thou shall EPIK FAIL at least 100 times.

5-Morning prayer shall be conducted to the hot Goddess of EpiK Fail by falling out of your bed.

6-In order to cash in your EpiK Fail, you need to declare your EPIC FAIL to anyone around you at that time.

7-You should fail at one of 13 commandments everyday.


You gotta believe in something, you might as well be an EpiK Failist.

Random Filler Because I'm Too Lazy

this is why clippy was not in microsoft office 07 by default:
http://www.cracked.com/blog/clippy-finally-messes-with-the-wrong-word-doc/

oh and notice how the author's BS is exactly what we do at school


oh and yes, the religion article is on it's way

211s Rock

You learn something everyday. Today, I learned that there are FUCKING DUMB ASSHOLES attending our school.

It is a BUS, not a fucking boat in the middle of a storm. Then why is a BUS on the highway rocking back and forth like a hundred sumo wrestlers are fornicating inside?

First big fucking congratulations goes to a certain atmospheric phenomenon called the wind. Thanks a lot. Now Fuck Off.

Second big fucking congratulations goes to every retard who rocked the bus. There is a particular thing called resonant frequency and when you hit it just right, each successive rock will increase the amplitude of the movement. I'm sure the skulls of the assholes today would also have a particular frequency. The frequency that indicates HOLLOW.

The lack of common sense was astounding. It was an excellent "God, Are You Fucking Kidding Me?" moment. (GAYFKM)

The dipshits are on a HIGHWAY, going at least 70km/h, there's a shitload of wind already, so somehow, they decide to rock the bus? Yeah, hey, why not, there's cars to the left, and a deep ditch to our right. Weehoo! FUCKTARDS! Hello!? Did somebody rape the fucking brains out of you!?

The stupidity of the incident is so incredible that I cannot even come up with some clever rant. I just want to [deleted] them and [deleted] to the deepest circle of Hell and put them on a bus and rock them until they puke their guts out.

Worse, they enjoyed the thrill until the rocking got to such a big amplitude as to SCARE THE LIVING SHIT out of them.
They went from Weehoo! to Waaaaaaa!Mommmmyy! and shitting their pants so fast.
They were going what do we do? What do we do? What a bunch of worthless corpses they are.

For future reference, if a bus starts rocking, whether it be due to wind, DUMBFUCKS rocking it, or a hundred sumo wrestlers fornicating, you SIT YOUR ASS DOWN to lower the center of gravity, although if it's the lattermost case, you might also want to get the fuck out of there ASAP to preserve your sanity.

Good night.


PS: IB QUOTE: "Spark Notes are too long."

-IB Senior

Good news and bad news

Good news first : buses are no longer as crowded! Finally, three 211s. We can now claim we're "civilized"!

Bad news: I have nothing to write about as everything is going shiny at school.

IB Quote: Fuck IB, I'm going to Hogwarts.

...............................................................

Oh, this year sometime, Xmas, and End, someone should bring a boombox/ghetto blaster on the bus , you know, just for fun....

..............................................................

On another note, can I just mention I'm shit-tired of doing project on the conflicts going on in the Middle East about all the Islamic groups blasting the shit out of each other? Enough is enough. I already get enough crap from the media, and [the last time I checked] it's still about the same freaking conflict they started CENTURIES ago. [mostly] It's like they're fighting out of fucking tradition now. "Hey, I don't know you, you personally haven't done anything to me, but my Dad kicked your Dad's ass a long time ago, so I'm going to do the same."
Only difference is the rest of the world wants a piece of the action also. They're going to call this The Great and Noble Crusade for Oil in a thousand years.

........................................................
Another thing that just entered my mind.

Kanye West butted in as Tailor Swift was giving her acceptance speech at the MTV whatchathing awards. Beyonce had to cover his ass. But my point is that in an pre-interview "off-the-record" discussion between the POTUS Obama and newsies, Obama said :

"She seems like a nice girl, let her give her speech. That guy is a jackass".

I don't know if one should feel honored or severely insulted to be called a 'jackass' by one whom some consider to be the most powerful man in the world.

But notice the ABC's comments:

"In the process of reporting on remarks by President Obama that were made during a CNBC interview, ABC News employees prematurely tweeted a portion of those remarks that turned out to be from an off-the-record portion of the interview. This was done before our editorial process had been completed. That was wrong. We apologize to the White House and CNBC and are taking steps to ensure that it will not happen again."

This is a lie to choke on. They think we'll believe that, some dude from ABC, who's probably been doing White House interviews for years, and KNOWS pre-interview chatter is ALWAYS off the record, just happened to ACCIDENTALLY tweet to the world about Obama using the term jackass.

The guy seems to get excited very easily. I wonder if prematurely doing things is his forte. (And say we prove it was an accident, well, that doesn't say much about the competency of that ABC employee)

It's just low of ABC to claim it was an accident. It's not exactly BAD that they reported it, after all, POTUS is human, and this sort of lets the people find commonalities with the Pres. but claiming it's an accident just blows. Wimps.

(if you want more info : click here )

Shi [t] mie

You know those moments where you start laughing, and then realize you're laughing at the thing in question AND yourself? And you sober up?

Or worse, cramp up for half an hour, finally regain your breath, and then realize you've been laughing at yourself? And sober up instantly?

The sudden sobering-up feeling this quote describes :

"Procrastination is like masturbation, it's a lot of fun until you realize you've just fucked yourself."


Anyways, it happened today. In chem class, hence, shi[t]mie.There's nothing like spending the whole class balancing equations, with the teacher insulting the education ministry, the reform, and everyone in it while doing examples on the board.

After awhile, depending on how slow or fast you are, you realize "Dayum, the teacher must be having so much fun." He's openly making fun of all the dumbasses that made the reform, thus the people that are making his life difficult, while teaching his subject, the un-reform way.

Ooh wait a minute...
let's go back,

I quote myself: There's nothing like spending the whole class balancing equations, with the teacher insulting the education ministry, the reform, and everyone in it while doing examples on the board.

He was also spilling his guts at how dumb we were! After awhile, I was sickened when the rest of the class still laughed at every single freaking thing he said about the reform. Hello!? He also means you! You're proving him right by laughing at every retarded shit he said. (Not to mention he was getting repetitive.)

Yes, I know it's good natured. Yes, I know it's to make the lesson more enjoyable.
But he does it every freaking time, and not just him. Somewhere, he and others must believe it to be true, at least partly.

The realization of which, brings you to this thought/feeling: "Shit, we've been really screwed."

So, instead of starting a rant on the reform yet again, in the interest of keeping it simple: LET'S MOVE TO ONTARIO!

POLITICS *headdesk*

Something about politics really gets me cynical and pissed. So, to vent some steam, I'm going to do your homework for you. (Now you're going, what a guy, when he's pissed, he does homework. Eeee, not quite.)

Nine Concepts:

Politics
Communism
Capitalism
Socialism
Marxism
Liberalism
Dictatorship
Totalitarianism
Democracy

Sit down, get some water or coffee, or candy or whatever is your poison and pay attention, if you can afford to.

Politics

It's social relations involving authority or power. In other words, it's monkeys yapping away to whoever is listening about how good they'd be in a position of power, their dreams, their hopes, their qualifications, their penis size. Yada yada yada.

Just remember, people have killed for less. They could have a big say on what happens on a MAJOR part of the planet and influence a couple million people's lives and they don't even have to kill their family for it? Of course they'll lie if it gets them ahead. It's a classic Homer Simpson D'oh! moment. Why wouldn't they? It's freaking easier than killing that's for sure.


Communism

It's red. It's big. It's a hammer to bash heads in and a sickle to slit throats. It's the natural counterconcept to capitalism. You give a few people power and money, pretty soon, the underlings will become jealous and, yes you guessed it, attack your villa at night armed with whatever they can get their hands on, namely, hammers and sickles.
It was a good idea. Power and goods to the community. It makes sense right? Until of course the leader of your little hammer 'n sickle armed revolution decides he'd also like to have a taste of what the previous owner of the villa felt.


Capitalism

This one is easy. FREE FOR ALL! Murder, torture, crush, pulverize, manipulate everything is allowed. Just WIN! It doesn't matter how. Be the king of the hill and respect will come shortly thereafter.
Aside from the glaring problem that you all can see, is that it's too efficient, especially when capitalism was 100% free for all ie: no regulation whatsoever on anything. In this epic battle of epic proportions to be king of the hill, everything develops so fast, that this super engine burns itself out and runs out of fuel. (Supply and Demand) We then have the great depression and the rise of the emos.


Socialism

The middle ground between capitalism and socialism. Diluted capitalism/democratic communism. Hey, it's the best of both worlds right? So it's gotta work right? Sorry to break it to ya, but no. The middle ground is the worst freaking ground to be on. It's no-man's land between two front lines. It's littered with barbed-wire, littered with bodies, mined, bombed, covered by snipers. For those who don't understand the metaphor, what I'm saying is, who decides which part of capitalism/communism do we adopt and which do we discard? One wrong move, and you're back to an extreme, and another body is added to the pile in no-man's land, taken down by another sniper, from one side or the other.
Take the hint: no-man's land. No Man may own that land. Corpses and cockroaches do.


Marxism

Karl Marx was a guy who stepped aside one day from the infernal mess, sucked his thumb, scratched his head, pulled on his beard, took a dump, and went:

"Hey, I see a pattern here."

Too bad he didn't go all the way and think it through. He got to the part where poor working class revolts. What happens after that? Victory and then an sunset and happily ever after? Too idealistic, buddy.
If he were in the reform or the IB, he'd be failing just about now.
Anyways, Marxism is the foundation of communism. Power to the community because the community was working but not getting anything.


Liberalism

Woohoo! FREEDOM! FREEDOM of expression, thought, and every other fucking conceivable thing! Fuck you, fuck you, and fuck you. You're gay! Your religion sucks! I hate the color of your turban! Your country stinks! I want to do this and I will! I want to run buck naked in the street! I want to fornicate on this park bench! Etc, etc.
This is one of the concepts I have less of a problem with. Who doesn't like freedom right? We're animals. We've roamed the wide green grassy plains, ate grass, and felt the breeze blow through our hair. We've smelled the fresh air. Free. We've looked to that horizon, to the deep blue sky, the ever-twinkling stars, the bright round moon, and we've enjoyed the vastness and the feeling freedom it offered us. Free. We've reveled in the feeling of carelessness. Free. We've chased the shadows of clouds on the meadows. We've drunk from crystal clear streams. Being free is a nice feeling. It was no constraints, no responsibilities, no worries for as far as the eye can see. No more. No more.


Dictatorship

Finally, things are getting done. Perhaps not according to your will,but according to the will and humor of a bearded Cuban smoking a cigar, but the system does have deadly efficiency. "Deadly" is in bold because that term is to be taken literally as well.
Dictatorship. DICTATE. I shall dictate what to do, and you shall do it. Comprende? Bueno.
Dictatorship and dictator's aren't all bad. Some did manage to get CERTAIN things done. Some, either in a moment of intoxication, orgasm, or just general good mood, decided that he'll give his people something nice too. You know, because we all feel the occasional need to be nice for no particular reason.


Totalitarianism

Totalitarian. Total. Still don't get it? Control freaks! Does that ring a bell? These guys, they want to control everything down to when and where you breathe, eat, defecate, fornicate. If they could, they'd probably also want to control how fast your toenails grow.


Democracy

Another good idea in theory. Let everybody speak out, and the majority wins so at least the majority of the people are happy. Very quickly though, these asshole optimists found that a few hundred thousand, let alone a few million of people take up space and shout like they're on fire. So now, we have representatives. Which brings us back to politics. More and more yapping and less and less doing. By the time opinions and requests get passed and put into practice, either it's too late and doesn't matter or it's been so twisted it doesn't even resemble the original idea. There was a reason why you played telephone at school, and this is it. (Funny how 'Mary had a little lamb' could turn into 'Mary had three breasts and a penis' twenty people down the line eh?)


So, by now, you're either depressed, have committed suicide, or shouting and pointing at your computer screen and spraying it with saliva as you condemn what I've written.

You see, the thing is, all these ideas are truly brilliant. But each and every one of them has a fucking major flaw and that's US. HUMANS. EVOLVED MONKEYS.
We are what we are. Mother Nature failed if you look at it this way. In making us adepts at survival on this planet, we've also become shallow, greedy, power-hungry, at times irrational, and generally, pretty fucked up and unable to live in large societies in peace.

It's just the way it is. If we weren't like this, we wouldn't of made it past the stone age. There always will be alpha-males and alpha-females that will take the lead in a group. Then there will be corruption, there will be revolts and wars, and then some peace, but pretty soon, greed takes over again, and the whole thing repeats again and again until the end of the world.
And hey guess what? Education could be the answer. Of course, assuming you can educate everybody on earth to adopt peaceful and "enlightened" and "modern" ways of thought, which by the way, would make you a dictator and totalitarian, we may just arrive at a point where we might be able to live in a world-wide society in peace. But ironically, you can bet that's when Armageddon occurs or aliens pay us a visit and enslave us all. That'll also be when Mother Nature *facepalms*.

So really, you've read this long piece of article, and now you're sitting there going What The Fuck am I going to do with the rest of my life?

Here's what you are going to do.
YOU ARE GOING TO LIVE IT AS YOU SEE FIT.

Either go apeshit, put on pointy white hats, protest, start a cult and stir up a revolution. OR don't go apeshit, but work around the obstacles in the present system and adapt to it. Make it work in your favor. Live your life. You've got but one. You won't be able to change anything this big, ie: the nine above concepts, in the rest of your life. But you can decide how you are going to live your life despite these.

And I leave you with a nice song:

Have A Nice Day - Bon Jovi

The most fitting intro to a subject ever.

The very first class of every year, the teacher gives an intro to the subject, the class rules, what you're going to learn, blablabla.

The most unbeatable fitting intro to a class, but maybe not in terms of humor, was Ethics, which really is an intro to philosophy class.

You realize that this is a real philosophy class when the teacher is saying something like

screw the rules, screw generalizations! Think and ask yourself questions. Don't conform to societal norms! Be a rebel!

and then in the same hour, say something like,
As a team, I have to listen to the rules and my opinion is worth nothing. So I'm going to eval you according to the reform.

Now what do you think?
Welcome to intro to philosophy!

===================
IB quote of the day:

IB pickup line:
Baby, I'll treat you like my homework. I'll slam you on the table and do you all night long.

The most epic blog post of this epic blog!

Interestingly, at CSL, there is the epic returning generation syndrome. Past students will return to school in the form of staff.

Despite all the bad things at CSL, they still want to come back. So, you wonder,

A) are the graduates retarded?

or

B) do they want their turn at being the slave masters?


Of course, as answer A will lead you to brand yourself as retarded, answer B must be the correct one.

Naturally, your teacher imparts knowledge to you. Unfortunately, sometimes, what is imparted isn't knowledge of the subject at hand. Sometimes, it's just their epic wackiness that ends up being Xeroxed into you. Which is epic nevertheless.

With the returning-generation-of-students-now-staff, you get epic teachers because now, you have the wackiness of a couple of the good teachers mixed into one biped who's making a fool of him-/herself in the classroom. It's epic.
It's almost like it's the old teachers' way of reproducing themselves so they'll stay around when they've gone. It sure beats hanging around as a ghost. Now, there's natural selection. If this keeps going on, the teachers are going to get better and better as only the good parts are getting xeroxed into new students. (Thankfully, because the building and equipment certainly ain't improving)

At this point, I think I should apologize for the misleading title. This article is far from epic, and probably one of the duller ones on this blog.

But back to the point, this returning-generation-of-students-now-staff, of course, they aren't exact copies of old teachers. They have also their own load of eccentricities. For example, the returning-generation-of-students-now-staff like to play video games. They like music more openly. They don't get totally stumped by computers. And 21st century humor. Basically, a lot closer to our generation. We get along a little better.

Going off in a tangent now, the issue now is the increasing instances of when staff use the word "epic".

Remember the first time we heard used by staff?
We were whispering and snickering and pointing: "hehe, he said epic."

Hearing it being used by staff is pretty epic already, but more so is when they say something like "one of my students was showing off his capability for staying balanced on two legs of a chair and took an EPIC fall. He flew back, fell and also managed to smash his nose up and start bleeding."

As with all things, it's cool until it's overused. Epic this, epic that. I mean, reread this article. Epic suddenly ain't so epic nomore.
Also, "mais mon Dieu, c'était vraiment épique comment cons ils étaient" coming from Mr. Fiorito's mouth is surprisingly shocking.

But all in all, it's quite epic to see something like :

On in the physics teacher's powerpoint.


You can be sure the next time you get a zero in this particular teacher's class, the upper right corner will be occupied by the words : "Epic Fail"
Honestly, come to think of it, fuck the reform eval system. This is good enough. Grades should go as so:

Epic Win/ Epic Success

Feeble Win/ Feeble Success

Lose/Fail

EPIC FAIL

Believe it or not, this might just really be better than what we currently have.

Another depressing musing about the reform.

It's almost impossible to describe what we feel, us first generation children of the reform, on a first day of school.

Let me tell you why. Or at least attempt to.

When almost every one of your new teachers sigh, and treat you like you're stupider than non reform kids, you feel like dirt. Of course, some of it is good-natured, but nevertheless, having spent over a decade around teachers, you can feel deep down, that they really pity what's happened to us. And then you start pitying yourself.

When your new history teacher loudly proclaims her hate for the reform, and for the subject, you feel a little warmth in your heart, but then emptiness, as you realize that even your teacher doesn't have faith in the program you've been forced into... O.O

However, I feel I should give proper credit to the HIS teacher this year, as I like her reaction to the reform, which was not only saying no, but fuck no to the reform, and going ahead with teaching non reform material. Respect.
(And honestly, history is one of the [many] subjects that just inherently, by its very nature, not mix well with the reform)

Too bad, as students, saying no to the reform isn't a feasible option.
And don't take me wrong, I'm sure the reform will bring many good things to the system...when it's perfected. The test subjects, us, will just have to pay the sacrifice with our lives, in the symbolic sense. And I shudder to think of the first gen children-of-the-reform in less reputable schools. What will they do?

================
IB quote of the day (from ibquotes.com duh)

When asked to comment on the IB a student replied: "I'd commit suicide but I don't have the time."

Wonderful beginning to what promises to be a pretty nice school year.

Yes, I'm capable of liking something. Try not to faint.

But too bad I'm also a pessimist.

Hopefully for WMBOC, and unfortunately for the rest of you, things will change. Maybe for the better, maybe for worse. What seems to be a nice beginning could turn into hell quite fast. If it does, you, and I, have WMBOC.

If it does not, well, I'll have to think of some other funny BS to put up here. Maybe a weekly photoshopped pic? Or I can actually do something constructive and write weekly stories. What a funny thought.


Anyways, opening speech by Mme Stocco was very plain, but could have been funnier. (And it was, in my head)

All I felt like remembering of it:

If you ever feel like you are starting to sink [in shit], TELL US, we WILL help you out. We'll arrange something. Of course, if you're already deep in [it], TELL US ANYWAY, we WILL help you out, it'll just take more effort and time.

And I did sincerely like this part:

If ever you are met with a problem, don't break down, just think: Whatever doesn't kill you can only make you stronger. You've made it this far, so you probably already do this.

I disagree with the quote 100%, and can definitely picture Chamby shaking his head and brewing up a pitcher of acid with a huge grin on his face. But back to the point, I like the general idea.

When Hell gives you the worst, flip it the finger and keep going. That's what I do.

Keep this in mind, it's not for nothing Stocco and I are mentioning it. In a few weeks, we will all be in the metaphorical shit.
(But please, don't walk into the schoolyard with your middle fingers prominently aloft)

On another note, and make no mistake, this is very good for me, by some extreme miscommunication, lucky coincidence, hilarious incompetence, or brilliant sabotage, or all of the above, they put over 25 enriched English people in one class (32 people), and made the hometeacher Mrs. Roubaud, which also happens to be an English teacher. This time, I can say, with three thumbs up and no sarcsm whatsoever: KUDOS!

Maybe they've given up on "subliminal" ways to impose French onto us and moved on to flaying.
Their new plan of offering prizes to those who use French in everyday life does seem to support this.

Which reminds me of a quote I came up with after being reprimanded randomly and called a hypocrite for having spoken in English behind the backs of the French teachers. (No shit! Of course I'll yap in English when you ain't around!)

Who's more hypocrite? The person who speaks English when he knows he can't get caught? Or the person who tells you to speak french, when his daily speech is filled with so many English words (most used improperly, with a heavy accent) it's murdering the English and French languages.





That's all for today, now if you'll excuse me, I need to go gatecrash a cotillion.
===================
IB quote of the day:

Writing a TOK essay is like being constipated. It hurts like hell and you produce crap very slowly.

T minus 15 hours 40 minutes

[Quickly, there is still time for a zombie invasion to happen!]


Anyway, my speech:

It's a New School Year
New Opportunities
New Teachers
New Subjects

But same old WMBOC. Whatever this year throws at us, let us do what we do best: Wrap it up in BS and THROW IT BACK!


==================================
And of course, some actual content:
==================================


Dear Mr. Minister

I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this.
How is it that K-Mart has my address and telephone number, and knows that I bought a television Set and Golf Clubs from them back in 1997, and yet, the Federal Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date.
For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand? My birth date you have in my Medicare information, and it is on all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 40 years. It is on my driver's licence, on the last eight passports I've ever had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the planes over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms that I've filled out every 5 years since 1966.
Also..would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is Audrey, my Father's name is Jack, and I'd be absolutely f@ck!ng astounded if that ever changed between now and when I drop dead!!!...
SH!T!

I apologize, Mr. Minister. But I'm really pi$$ed off this morning. Between you an' me, I've had enough of all this bull$h!t! You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my f@ck!ng address!! What the hell is going on with your mob? Have you got a gang of mindless Neanderthal @r$eholes workin' there!
And another thing, look at my damn picture. Do I look like B!n L@den? I can't even grow a beard for God's sakes.

I just want to go to New Zealand and see my new granddaughter. (Yes, my son interbred with a Kiwi girl).
And would someone please tell me, why would you give a $h!t whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? If I ever got the urge to do something weird to a sheep or a horse, believe you me, I'd sure as hell not want to tell anyone!
Well, I have to go now, 'cause I have to go to the other end of the city, and get another f@ck!ng copy of my birth certificate, and to part with another $80 for the privilege of accessing MY OWN INFORMATION!

Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot, to assist in the issuance of a new passport on the same day?? Nooooo.. that'd be too f@ck!ng easy and makes far too much sense. You would much prefer to have us running all over the place like chickens with our f@ck!ng heads cut off, and then having to find some high society w@nker to confirm that it's really me in the goddamn photo! You know the photo..the one where we're not allowed to smile?! ..you f@ck!ng morons


Signed - An Irate Australian Citizen.

P.S.
Remember what I said above about the picture, and getting someone in high-society to confirm that it's me? Well, my family has been in this country since before 1850! In 1856, one of my forefathers took up arms with Peter Lalor. (You do remember the Eureka Stockade!!)

I have also served in both the CMF and regular Army something over 30 years (I went to Vietnam in 1967), and still have high security clearances.
I'm also a personal friend of the president of the RSL.. and Lt General Peter Cosgrove sends me a Christmas card each year.
However, your rules require that I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am; You know.. someone like my doctor; WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN PAKISTAN!!!......a country where they either assassinate or hang their ex-Prime Ministers, and are suspended from the Commonwealth for not having the 'right sort of government.

You are all f@ck!ng idiots

===========================
You gotta love them Aussies, eh?

Cheap of me, but it's important: IB Quotes

leeched from this site: http://www.sodahead.com/blog/52679/ib-quotes/#post_760152

Some things I disagree with, but whatever, it's a good laugh

IB quotes

Okay, so I was on IBquotes and I was laughing so hard! I was also really bored so I cut and pasted several of my favorite quotes on here.
For those of you who don't know what the IB program is, it is an international school system for middle and high school students and you are just given an advanced education. You do have to apply for it.
Enjoy
~K8



Quote #1092
Student 1: ...and she's just so so...slutty. AND DUMB.
Student 2: I know! Why is she even in IB??
Student 3: haha probably to calculate her "profits" correctly for her services! haha.
Student 1: haha or maybe to figure good slope angles for you know what!
Student 4: Maybe to discover new curves and angles for her slopes!
All: HAHAHAHA!
*we stop and look at one another with horrified faces*
Student 3: guys. we just laughed at a joke containg algebra in it.
Student 1: crap. were officially IB kids now.

Quote #289
*class is talking*
Mr. Daly: *brings out grade reports and shakes them around*
Class: *stares silently at the grade reports*
Mr. Daly: Grade reports are like crack for IB students

Quote #452
Question on an HL Bio Exam:

A tall, blue blorg mates with a short, white blorg and produces all tall, blue blorgs. This is a result of:

a) both parents having heterzygous traits;
b) both parents having homozygous traits;
c) magic.

Quote #456
IB student: I got screeweedd last night
*Non-IB student joins conversation*
Non-IB student: Niiiceee, by who?
*silence among the Ibers*
IB student: Who? ahahahahahhahaha

Quote #501
IB, where three hours is too much sleep.

Quote #585
Standard teacher walks into IB Classroom to talk to IB teacher.
Standard teacher: Man, these kids look tired.
IB Teacher: Seeing a well-rested IB student is like seeing a unicorn.

Quote #1149
An IB graduate skills.

veteran procrastinator.
immune to caffeine.
professional BSer
can function on little or no sleep.
Knows how to wright 4000 words of professional sounding jargon.
Is able to ask his or her long dead relatives for help completing projects by 5 in the morning.
Knows Stalin better than his grandmother.

Quote #1005
Most teenagers nightmares consist of getting eaten or dieing.
In IB the most common nightmare consists of forgetting your notebook, Shortened due dates, corrupted essay files and leaving your assignments on the dining table on the due date.
Quote #960
IB student: I had a dream the other night that I came to school without pants. Then the next day I came to school missing an arm. The third day I came to school without my homework and my dad came in and woke me up because I was screaming so loudly.
Quote #752
Party.
Non IB-student: Awesome party! I thought you guys would just say things like "the square root of 21 is..."
IB-student: Haha, no!
Silence.
IB-student: But there is no square root of 21...


Quote #274
IB English Class

Teacher's advice to students: So when you're home alone practice your oral on your dog...
Students: That's what she said...


Quote #332
How to bullshit an English Commentary:

1.) Find 2 themes that always work in every story. Reality VS Perception is a good one. Discovering Identity usually works for everything. If you give up, try sexual connotations.

2.) Find images that support it. The chair represents the isolation, which supports discovering identity. The book is an illusion because we can't see what's inside it, representing how life is covered up in mysteries. Include more as necessary.

3.) Find sounds, structure, or do anything. The indent in the paragraphs represent separation, supporting identity discovery as the narrator attempts to separate himself from the norm. The use of commas represent the pauses endured by the narrator, giving time to think, which represents reality of situations VS perceiving them. The "s" sound is a serpent. Say whatever you want with it.

4.) Anything that doesn't fit with the above is "contrast". Contrast is always used to support ideas, which are all the bullshit themes you came up with.

5.) Present everything you found in order. See, it's just like a physics lab!

Quote #832
(after IB History Essay)

Teacher: Do you think you did well on the essay?

Student: haha...I'm sure you'll think so..

teacher: what?

Student: Well, you see...the point of an essay to to write things that will make you think that i actually knew what you were talking about...when in fact I just used my superior bull shit skills that i got from IB english to make my essay sound convincing.




EDIT PART 2

IB quotes (the rest of the good ones)

ok so im just adding more ib quotes since kate didn't get all the good ones so go here http://www.sodahead.com/blog/52679/ib-quotes/#post_760152 first then come back if you dont know what IB is... enjoy... these are so hilarious

QUOTE#383
teacher to students: now write your name on this notecard.

Student 1: OK
Student 2: This is easy!

IB Teacher to IB students: now write your name on this notecard

IB Student 1: how big?
IB Student 2: which corner?
IB Student 3: cursive or print?
IB Student 4: do we need to put our whole middle name or just our middle initial?
IB Student 5: What if we don't have a middle name?
IB Student 6: Is pencil okay?
IB Student 7: Do you want it on the side with lines or the blank side?

and we are wondering why IB is so hard

Quote #145
The day I ditched school for homework.

Quote #127
When an IB Coordinator says "Jump!" an IB freshmen asks "How high?"

Two years later the IB Coordinator says "Jump!" and the IB Junior asks "Where's the nearest cliff?"

Quote #255
When asked to comment on the IB a student replied: "I'd commit suicide but I don't have the time."

Quote #330
I used to have a life. Then I started cheating on it with IB, and me and life got a divorce.

Quote #1018
This is IB, you may pick 2 of the following:

1. Good Grades
2. Enough Sleep
3. A Social Life

Quote #153
"IB is like an abusive husband, you know you should leave but you can't because you have a life together even if that life occasionally beats you, calls you names, and makes you feel like killing yourself."- Jordan S.

Quote #309
The realization of actually being in IB hit me when I decided not to wear my seatbelt in the car becuase I would prefer to go to the hospital rather than go to school.

Quote #33
IB helps you with stress management. It throws all this stress at you and says, 'Manage it!' Then you have your breakdown and you get over it.

Quote#996
Patricia: Do you think they'll have alcohol at the IB Christmas Party?
Genie: ...IB kids drinking? Can you imagine us drunk? We would be like... "HAHA YOUR FACE IS A PARABOLA."

Quote #577
Honors Student: So, what did you do for your birthday?
IB Student: A chemistry formal lab write-up.
Honors Student: Well, did you do anything fun?
IB Student: Yes, I managed to get to bed before midnight. It was wonderful.

Quote #517
Only in the IB can you be thinking so hard about something that you get into an argument with yourself about it, lose the argument and then refuse to talk to yourself for days.

Quote #59
"You guys are data bulimics. You just swallow it and then spew it out for the test. It's disgusting."

Quote #661
Student: So I was wondering... Why aren't we allowed to take five HL classes?
IB Coordinator: Because it looks bad for the IB program when students commit suicide.

Quote #87
What we don't realize is, this is all just a huge scientific study to find out how much stress kids can be put under before they haul off and kill themselves. The idea is that they give students amounts of work that are impossible to achieve, and periodically add more and more work during times when key projects are due. I don't know about you guys, but I'm tired of it. I quit.
- Student to entire class

Quote #753
Frustrated IB Student: You know what? I don't want to wear a normal graduation cap when i graduate. I want a freaking tiara.

Quote #37
Person 1: Damn you! You're so not art.

Person 2: Is that supposed to be an insult?

Person 1: Of course. You're not art, which means you're not beautiful, you can't be interpreted, and that you weren't created by intent.

Quote #1077
Rebel: Steals a cop car and drives it down a cliff.
IB Rebel: Drinks coke in the Library.

Quote #441
Now I understand why 42 is the answer to life, the universe, and everything. See, it means a 7 on all IB subjects. (excluding the 3 bonus points, of course)

Quote #315
IB student: ...the presentation is absolutely horrific. No eye contact and the absolute wrong tone of voice. At one look you would think she is targeting teenagers but if you look a bit deeper you can see that... Therefore we can conclude that...

Non IB Student: Dude, you just analysed a 30 second TV advertisement in 2 minutes. What kinda school do you go to?

Quote #433
Teacher: [Noticing that half the class isn't there] What's due tomorrow?

Class, in unison: Bio/chem IA.

Teacher: Oh. 'Kay. [continues with lesson]

Quote #538
8-year-old kid: "twinkle-twinkle little star, how i wonder what you are..."

IB student: "a massive ball of gas burning millions of light years away!"

Quote #63
I.B is good for people with suicidal tendencies: instead of sitting down at 5pm to start a 2000-word essay and thinking, 'Oh my God, I want to die,' you sit down at 2am to start a 2000-word essay and all you can think is 'Oh my God, I want to sleep.'

Quote #486
When I think about the pile of work I have left, I feel like crying...

...until I realize that I can't even spare the time needed to cry.

Quote #1140
Soccer coach writes |V| on the board.

Normal players: oh yay! 1 on 1!

IB players: what's absolute value of v?


Quote #1133
My homework is like my best friend... No matter what I do, it is always there for me!

Quote #1109
IB has taught me many useful things in terms of multitasking and time management. Only in IB are you capable of crying while finishing your IA and not only be able to see the paper perfectly, but not get a single tear on the page because you don't have time to redo it.

Quote #382
IB is like being ruled by facism:

Everyone talks about how much it has ruined their life but nobody actually does anything about it.

Quote #1386

Non-IB Student: If a tree falls in the woods, and no one's around to hear it, does it make a sound?

IB Student: If no one is around to hear or see this "tree", how do you know it exists?

Non-IB Student: ...

IB Student: ...and then, if you've never been to this "wood", how do you know it exists?

Non-IB Student: ...

IB Student: Moreover, where are these "woods"? You have to examine it from a cultural aspect, as well.

Non-IB Student: ...JUST FORGET IT.

Quote #411
If the forward to a book went something like this:

"This book means absolutely nothing and does not intentionally contain any underlying meanings. Any symbolism, imagery, figurative language, etc. is purely coincidental."

IB English teachers would expect an analysis essay over it from their students.

Quote #1270
When you join IB, you have frequent urges to run away screaming, but the wieght of your bookbag does not allow it.

~LHS IB Fresh

Quote #632
Q: How many IB students does it take to change a light bulb?

A: 30. One to change the bulb, and twenty-nine to reflect on the process.

Quote #718
Non-IB student: [sees an IB student walking in the morning looking like a zombie] Wow. You look dead. You’re usually so hyperactive.

IB student: [after a night of studying Biology and no sleep] I’m running on a low blood sugar level. I need more glucagon to produce glucose for my blood. My body’s homeostasis isn’t functioning properly.

Non-IB student: O.o


Quote #377
After IB Physics is over, I will throw the textbook off a cliff and calculate the momentum when it hits the ground...

Quote #51
Physics teacher: One I was on the plane and I saw some lightning between clouds in the air. It was like fireworks, so pretty!

Class: So didn't you feel uncomfortable at all that you were in a metal thing in the air in a thunderstorm?

Physics teacher: Why would I be? A plane is in a cage, it is an insulator... (insert explanation about physics)... so the only risk is really rare, and is that the plane could catch on fire, but that's not going to happen.

Class: What about the people who DIDN'T know this on the plane...?

Physics teacher: How could they not have liked the lightning show?

Quote #1251
Receiving an IB diploma is more like receiving a certificate of insanity than anything else.

Quote #1344
Remember the good old days before IB when you could sleep in class and still get A's? Well now even in my dreams I fail

Quote #614
...while studying for an IB Math SL exam...
S: ..I imagine a type of McDonald's where you drive up and ask, "Can I have a literary essay with this, this and this about this novel?"...and the dude will ask, "You want textual evidence with that?"

Quote #607
IBQuotes was born as a universal quote book for IB students who have just realised how gay IB is, across the globe. It is an unusual phenomenon that despite all these quotes, no one actually reads them and decided against doing IB. Also there is at least one student documenting and archiving funny moments of your's or therelfs self-inflicted misery (Caused of course, by the IB). IBQuotes allows you to share your experiences and thoughts with the millions of people almost commiting over IB, who are always surfing the internet.

Just like to take the time to thank IB.
We hate you.

Quote #22
Have you noticed that the physics stuff is almost like math? There's not a single number in my notes!

Quote #278
How many IB kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Only one, but it takes 12 other IB kids to stand around him while he does it, telling him what he's doing wrong and how to do it right.
-Madeline

Quote #1141
Two I.B. Students are at a Volleyball Tournament on a Saturday, in another city other than the one they practice in.

Student 1 (to her team): Hey guys, be careful of how hard you hit and serve the ball, the altitude is different.

Another Teammate: Why does the altitude matter?

Student 2: Well, the higher altitude alters the air pressure inside and outside of the ball itself, increasing the molecule movement, thus allowing for more potential energy to be translated into kinetic energy, allowing for the ball to stay suspended and go farther in the air. blah, blah, more complicated mathematical equations........

Student 1: Exactly

Another: Wow, where do you guys come up with this stuff? Are you in Physics?

Student 1 and 2 look at each other and laugh

Student 2: Nope, we're in I.B. We've been programmed to think that way. Even on a Saturday.

Student 1: So do you think we can count volleyball Hours today as creativity as well as action?

Quote #1315
It's 7:59. The class starts at 8:00.

Roomy1: Are we going to school?
Roomy2: Yeah... (continues to sleep)
Roomy1: Are we gonna call a cab?
Roomy2: No... Don't have money...
Roomy1: You know... We'd be on time only if we used a cannon.
Roomy2: Nah... We'd be a minute late coz of the air resistance.
(Both continue to sleep.)

Another reform FUCKUP

"Two middle fingers up!"

Another job well botched!

Here's the news article, read it. (Apologies, it's in french)


"La valeur des examens est fixée par les écoles, confirme le MELS"

WHY THE FUCK DO YOU EXIST THEN? What is your purpose if not to regulate all the schools under your jurisdiction so they are all consistent and evaluations equal? Oh yes, that's right, you're there to make retarded, incoherent directives to piss teachers off and confuse students. You might as well make all the schools private and self-regulated.

What is a school year? Its 180 days where you learn stuff that'll help you for the rest of your life. But wait, to get to the next one, you need to pass the end of the year exams. But here's the fuckup, we only knew what we are evaluated on in APRIL. It's not exactly like 8 months wasted, but hey, MELS' incompetence is jeopardizing our future. If you can't get it right, don't drag us down too.

More selfishly, I DON'T LIKE IT WHEN PEOPLE FUCK WITH MY FUTURE!
I also doubt anyone else feels differently.

It's absolute cocksnot that somebody who doesn't do anything the whole year gets the same mark as somebody who worked their ass off.

In an ideal world, test results don't matter because people are supposed to look at you; your personality, your abilities, your talents, your potential. But no, this is far from an ideal world, and only a handful of people look past your car, your appearance, your diplomas, your money, your house.

Maybe that's what happened with the directors at MELS.
Like I've said before, the best sort of evaluation is the practical kind. Throw them into a padded cell and don't let them out until they come out with a better system than this half piece of shit they've come up with. It's time they earn what we're paying them for.

They screwed up big time. If we've ever failed as completely, oh boy, oh boy...
They managed to get the teachers pissed, the students pissed, AND THE PEOPLE WHO PAY THEIR SALARY pissed. Well, at least they're good at something, I was afraid they really were completely useless.

They're saying it doesn't matter because if the results suck too much, they'll just not count it."

That's like me killing somebody and then saying it doesn't matter because plenty of people die everyday.

Disgusting.


ps: Thanks to Skweeky for the tip

Exam Day 1

Today's memorable quotes:

"WHO THE FUCK IS PLAYING THE HARMONICA?! IF YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO PLAY IT, DON'T FUCKING PLAY IT!!!!" -Pierre. Maybe he was under pressure—and rightly so.

For Sec 4s, it was a FREAKING INSULT how easy the test was.

"That was the first history test I've found easy!" -Dumbass at history

For Sec 5s, it was a FREAKING INSULT how hard their test was.

"I totally got buttfucked face planted by the history test, man!" -Sec 5

About time for an update...

I figure it's about time for an update and I really need a break from working and studying and working and studying and working and studying and working and studying and working and studying etc.

So many things to talk about.

Let's start with the science lab test. One big curse for that. We're one of the few— if not the only—schools to be taking the exam, and it turns out many will be failing. The uncommon situation of GO/NO-GO happened here. 50% passes with flying colors and 50% fail miserably. That's something rare.
Keeping on the topic of rare occurrences, here's another:

Amazingly, somebody actually cheated AND GOT CAUGHT! Big FAIL. Holy crap how hard is it to cheat on a lab test!? And as with many things in life, it was sad as hell. Writing stuff on your hand, goddammit, your incompetence is an insult to us all. (The getting caught at cheating and the cheating itself.)

Somewhat off-topic is the other rare occurence of a teacher tackling a student. Hilariously, the student was attempting to make off with a bunch of exam papers. Somebody should organize a football game at the end of the year. Staff vs. Students. Full contact; if anybody's hospitalized, nobody is missing school.

Ah, coming up on the second topic of the day, ENGLISH CLASS! More specifically, the 'English' teacher.

English is in quotes because
1- she specializes ethic and religion
2- she doesn't speak a word of English. She doesn't even TRY. The English speakers at least make an effort to speak french in french class don't we!?
3- we haven't learned anything about the English language since she's been here.

But all in all, can't expect that much from her because:

1-end of the year (hard to find an English teacher, and hard for a substitute teacher to control us)
2-Catcher in the Rye (Seriously, what a load of garbage I didn't need to know about somebody WHO DOESN'T EVEN FUCKING EXIST!—I have better things to worry about than the ramblings of a mentally deranged, non-existent teen)

Exams are looming before us like the wave of a tsunami. I'm going to go back to my tsunami resistant cabin and study some more now.

Should you need more entertainment, read this article.

Another Rant

3rd teen arrested in Montreal North bus stop beating

Every news media has a variation of this as their headline. Here's the link to CBC's.
In short, three teens, aged 16, 16 and 15, mugged a 67 year-old woman.

First off, one big

WHAT THE FUCK?!

At 16, and he's mugging a 67 year old!? And that 15 year-old shithead! At fifteen, shouldn't his balls have grown enough to let him say "no" to peer pressure?

Yes, old people don't like credit cards so they carry cash around, but still, hello?! anybody home?
The kid's 16, the woman's 67. She could be his grandmother! Something doesn't feel wrong? And at midnight too. What were they doing outside at midnight? Couldn't get any action? Don't surprise me. They apparently don't have the brains or the balls.

Those little shits make us all look bad. Maybe some of us should mug those three once every year till they're 67. Or maybe mug their parents when they're 67.

Seeing as I'm going into my unreasonable mode, I'll digress before I write something horrible. (How about stoning them half to death—twice?)

The elderly should have tasers, not the cops. Canes just aren't the same as nightsticks. Besides, I'm sure tasers would be used less in the hands of wiser, less trigger-happy folks.

for example this taser incident:

RCMP documents indicate Gray was handcuffed at his own request and a Taser was used on him twice in the hospital.

Taser used in ambulance

After he was given sedatives, the Taser was used again — more than once — during an ambulance ride to another hospital in Winnipeg, according to RCMP documents.

The boys in red deserve a big WHAT THE FUCK!? as well. Technology is cool, but that's no excuse to zap a sedated, restrained guy in an ambulance. Aren't there worthier candidates? How about the three dumbshits who mugged an old woman?

============
Citations from CBC website

The Business of Education

In our society, where everything seems gratuitous and a given, it’s become harder to discern service from business. In an industry, the sky is the limit for profit and expansion which is not present in a service. Where there have been corporate scandals, there have been revolutionary changes from within the industry. Where there were ruins of corporate giants, there grew the seeds of even bigger giants. With education, there has not been that significant change that came to revolutionize the domain. In electronics, it was the manufacturing of a screen using magnets. In the automotive industry it was the gas engine. In retail, it was the gullibility of the North Americans. Yet in education, you only see how it feeds off other areas to weakly better itself. If you argue that is perhaps because education has perfected itself to its maximum capacity in concordance with society’s advancement, I urge you to look at your latest report card and see if all of your grades are at 100%. If they are, you’re probably rich from doing other people’s homework and can afford to manage your own enterprise without having to be in school.

It is possible that education cannot be perfected since everyone understands things with different points of view. But when you have a provincial math average for the first exam of the year that ranges around 60 to 70 per cent and you find this normal, there is either a gaping hole in your way of perceiving education or there is a gaping hole in your cranium. The first step to making progress is realizing how ignorant one is. In education, this first step has been overlooked to the point of being nigh impossible. They’re all too busy clapping themselves in the back to notice that the fantastic piece of paper they took ages to write (and got paid an unholy amount of money to write) got processed and re-written, and eventually failed to be applied in an effective manner.

Could I be wrong about the people behind all the school programs and school learning material? Are they really all, nice, objective, excessively educated people who put our collective best interests at heart before theirs? My experience tells me quite the opposite. If I were to look into any of my school books, I could find unnecessary space for small questions, repetitive topics, lack of real information or imprecise/outdated graphs and even some propaganda in some cases. The propaganda that I’m referring to deals more in subliminal messages and subtle suggestions. Something this refined is disappointing to see when you think that the same effort that was used to make these half-truths so hidden could have been used for a second or what, occasionally, would appear to be the first time they did bother to do a spell check.

The problems in our system are much too big to be tackled all at once, but perhaps attempting to see if it is possible to completely reform the way of managing the system rather than the ways of teaching would be more effective. Besides, even if it isn’t, at least they can claim they tried it and now know it won’t work.

Lime

News update 2

Sick. But not the flu. I'll be damned before I let one of those little sonuvabitch, no-good, leecher viruses into my system. Seriously, if I'm infected and expiring, I swear to God I'd rather shoot myself than succumb to that POS.

Anyways, I got caught up in the Firefly frame of mind awhile back, and I was getting nostalgic about it again, so I googled the heck out of it, and watched fanvids on youtube like a chain smoker. Behold the theme song.



It's one wacky and appealing show.

How wacky? (besides the country music)
Sci-fi, spaceships, laser guns, horses, revolvers, frontier planets that look like the Old West all in the same universe, people swearing in English as well as Chinese, and 9 totally different people on one small unarmed ship against a big government, that's how wacky.

Why appealing? (besides from the points mentioned above)
Prostitution is legal. Need I say more?

I will anyways.
The whole philosophy of it: Freedom. Free to take jobs as they come. And never have to be under the heels of nobody ever again. (That was a quote.)
There isn't some dumb sense of greater good, or a stupid tendency to heroics, or some supreme mission of ridding the world of evil, it's just 9 people, trying to make a living in the universe, despite a huge government trying to get rid of them, with some sense of righteousness, religiosity, humor and love mixed within.

It describes what we all are, just minus the spaceship.

If it doesn't in any way connect to you, it's either because you haven't seen enough of the world yet or that you're damn rich.

I realize this sort of old west/sci-fi style story doesn't appeal to all, and it's fine, I'll just respect you a little less. I know our lives are high stress and fast-paced nowadays, but I still want to show a little smidgen of what the Firefly movie looks like so:



Sums up the story of the movie. It lost some of its deep meaning, and acquired some selfless acts and shooting, but that's Hollywood for ya.

Firefly teaches us another lesson, and that is that all good things end. Shit happens to good people [and things]. Remember that.
Firefly got canceled by Fox after one season despite it's popularity. That equals just 3 weeks worth of the show. From a pessimistic point of view, Firefly, can be summed up in 5 seconds like so:
Wash, playing with dinotoys: "Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal! Yaarr!"
-Show fox logo-
The show started off with the scene.


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Summer is coming, blog posts will be infrequent and drop off entirely soon. It's summer. I'm no longer pessimistic. Maybe next winter.

Tip for writing essays to you folks: It's a lot easier to write about something you dislike rather than something you like.