Cheap of me, but it's important: IB Quotes

leeched from this site: http://www.sodahead.com/blog/52679/ib-quotes/#post_760152

Some things I disagree with, but whatever, it's a good laugh

IB quotes

Okay, so I was on IBquotes and I was laughing so hard! I was also really bored so I cut and pasted several of my favorite quotes on here.
For those of you who don't know what the IB program is, it is an international school system for middle and high school students and you are just given an advanced education. You do have to apply for it.
Enjoy
~K8



Quote #1092
Student 1: ...and she's just so so...slutty. AND DUMB.
Student 2: I know! Why is she even in IB??
Student 3: haha probably to calculate her "profits" correctly for her services! haha.
Student 1: haha or maybe to figure good slope angles for you know what!
Student 4: Maybe to discover new curves and angles for her slopes!
All: HAHAHAHA!
*we stop and look at one another with horrified faces*
Student 3: guys. we just laughed at a joke containg algebra in it.
Student 1: crap. were officially IB kids now.

Quote #289
*class is talking*
Mr. Daly: *brings out grade reports and shakes them around*
Class: *stares silently at the grade reports*
Mr. Daly: Grade reports are like crack for IB students

Quote #452
Question on an HL Bio Exam:

A tall, blue blorg mates with a short, white blorg and produces all tall, blue blorgs. This is a result of:

a) both parents having heterzygous traits;
b) both parents having homozygous traits;
c) magic.

Quote #456
IB student: I got screeweedd last night
*Non-IB student joins conversation*
Non-IB student: Niiiceee, by who?
*silence among the Ibers*
IB student: Who? ahahahahahhahaha

Quote #501
IB, where three hours is too much sleep.

Quote #585
Standard teacher walks into IB Classroom to talk to IB teacher.
Standard teacher: Man, these kids look tired.
IB Teacher: Seeing a well-rested IB student is like seeing a unicorn.

Quote #1149
An IB graduate skills.

veteran procrastinator.
immune to caffeine.
professional BSer
can function on little or no sleep.
Knows how to wright 4000 words of professional sounding jargon.
Is able to ask his or her long dead relatives for help completing projects by 5 in the morning.
Knows Stalin better than his grandmother.

Quote #1005
Most teenagers nightmares consist of getting eaten or dieing.
In IB the most common nightmare consists of forgetting your notebook, Shortened due dates, corrupted essay files and leaving your assignments on the dining table on the due date.
Quote #960
IB student: I had a dream the other night that I came to school without pants. Then the next day I came to school missing an arm. The third day I came to school without my homework and my dad came in and woke me up because I was screaming so loudly.
Quote #752
Party.
Non IB-student: Awesome party! I thought you guys would just say things like "the square root of 21 is..."
IB-student: Haha, no!
Silence.
IB-student: But there is no square root of 21...


Quote #274
IB English Class

Teacher's advice to students: So when you're home alone practice your oral on your dog...
Students: That's what she said...


Quote #332
How to bullshit an English Commentary:

1.) Find 2 themes that always work in every story. Reality VS Perception is a good one. Discovering Identity usually works for everything. If you give up, try sexual connotations.

2.) Find images that support it. The chair represents the isolation, which supports discovering identity. The book is an illusion because we can't see what's inside it, representing how life is covered up in mysteries. Include more as necessary.

3.) Find sounds, structure, or do anything. The indent in the paragraphs represent separation, supporting identity discovery as the narrator attempts to separate himself from the norm. The use of commas represent the pauses endured by the narrator, giving time to think, which represents reality of situations VS perceiving them. The "s" sound is a serpent. Say whatever you want with it.

4.) Anything that doesn't fit with the above is "contrast". Contrast is always used to support ideas, which are all the bullshit themes you came up with.

5.) Present everything you found in order. See, it's just like a physics lab!

Quote #832
(after IB History Essay)

Teacher: Do you think you did well on the essay?

Student: haha...I'm sure you'll think so..

teacher: what?

Student: Well, you see...the point of an essay to to write things that will make you think that i actually knew what you were talking about...when in fact I just used my superior bull shit skills that i got from IB english to make my essay sound convincing.




EDIT PART 2

IB quotes (the rest of the good ones)

ok so im just adding more ib quotes since kate didn't get all the good ones so go here http://www.sodahead.com/blog/52679/ib-quotes/#post_760152 first then come back if you dont know what IB is... enjoy... these are so hilarious

QUOTE#383
teacher to students: now write your name on this notecard.

Student 1: OK
Student 2: This is easy!

IB Teacher to IB students: now write your name on this notecard

IB Student 1: how big?
IB Student 2: which corner?
IB Student 3: cursive or print?
IB Student 4: do we need to put our whole middle name or just our middle initial?
IB Student 5: What if we don't have a middle name?
IB Student 6: Is pencil okay?
IB Student 7: Do you want it on the side with lines or the blank side?

and we are wondering why IB is so hard

Quote #145
The day I ditched school for homework.

Quote #127
When an IB Coordinator says "Jump!" an IB freshmen asks "How high?"

Two years later the IB Coordinator says "Jump!" and the IB Junior asks "Where's the nearest cliff?"

Quote #255
When asked to comment on the IB a student replied: "I'd commit suicide but I don't have the time."

Quote #330
I used to have a life. Then I started cheating on it with IB, and me and life got a divorce.

Quote #1018
This is IB, you may pick 2 of the following:

1. Good Grades
2. Enough Sleep
3. A Social Life

Quote #153
"IB is like an abusive husband, you know you should leave but you can't because you have a life together even if that life occasionally beats you, calls you names, and makes you feel like killing yourself."- Jordan S.

Quote #309
The realization of actually being in IB hit me when I decided not to wear my seatbelt in the car becuase I would prefer to go to the hospital rather than go to school.

Quote #33
IB helps you with stress management. It throws all this stress at you and says, 'Manage it!' Then you have your breakdown and you get over it.

Quote#996
Patricia: Do you think they'll have alcohol at the IB Christmas Party?
Genie: ...IB kids drinking? Can you imagine us drunk? We would be like... "HAHA YOUR FACE IS A PARABOLA."

Quote #577
Honors Student: So, what did you do for your birthday?
IB Student: A chemistry formal lab write-up.
Honors Student: Well, did you do anything fun?
IB Student: Yes, I managed to get to bed before midnight. It was wonderful.

Quote #517
Only in the IB can you be thinking so hard about something that you get into an argument with yourself about it, lose the argument and then refuse to talk to yourself for days.

Quote #59
"You guys are data bulimics. You just swallow it and then spew it out for the test. It's disgusting."

Quote #661
Student: So I was wondering... Why aren't we allowed to take five HL classes?
IB Coordinator: Because it looks bad for the IB program when students commit suicide.

Quote #87
What we don't realize is, this is all just a huge scientific study to find out how much stress kids can be put under before they haul off and kill themselves. The idea is that they give students amounts of work that are impossible to achieve, and periodically add more and more work during times when key projects are due. I don't know about you guys, but I'm tired of it. I quit.
- Student to entire class

Quote #753
Frustrated IB Student: You know what? I don't want to wear a normal graduation cap when i graduate. I want a freaking tiara.

Quote #37
Person 1: Damn you! You're so not art.

Person 2: Is that supposed to be an insult?

Person 1: Of course. You're not art, which means you're not beautiful, you can't be interpreted, and that you weren't created by intent.

Quote #1077
Rebel: Steals a cop car and drives it down a cliff.
IB Rebel: Drinks coke in the Library.

Quote #441
Now I understand why 42 is the answer to life, the universe, and everything. See, it means a 7 on all IB subjects. (excluding the 3 bonus points, of course)

Quote #315
IB student: ...the presentation is absolutely horrific. No eye contact and the absolute wrong tone of voice. At one look you would think she is targeting teenagers but if you look a bit deeper you can see that... Therefore we can conclude that...

Non IB Student: Dude, you just analysed a 30 second TV advertisement in 2 minutes. What kinda school do you go to?

Quote #433
Teacher: [Noticing that half the class isn't there] What's due tomorrow?

Class, in unison: Bio/chem IA.

Teacher: Oh. 'Kay. [continues with lesson]

Quote #538
8-year-old kid: "twinkle-twinkle little star, how i wonder what you are..."

IB student: "a massive ball of gas burning millions of light years away!"

Quote #63
I.B is good for people with suicidal tendencies: instead of sitting down at 5pm to start a 2000-word essay and thinking, 'Oh my God, I want to die,' you sit down at 2am to start a 2000-word essay and all you can think is 'Oh my God, I want to sleep.'

Quote #486
When I think about the pile of work I have left, I feel like crying...

...until I realize that I can't even spare the time needed to cry.

Quote #1140
Soccer coach writes |V| on the board.

Normal players: oh yay! 1 on 1!

IB players: what's absolute value of v?


Quote #1133
My homework is like my best friend... No matter what I do, it is always there for me!

Quote #1109
IB has taught me many useful things in terms of multitasking and time management. Only in IB are you capable of crying while finishing your IA and not only be able to see the paper perfectly, but not get a single tear on the page because you don't have time to redo it.

Quote #382
IB is like being ruled by facism:

Everyone talks about how much it has ruined their life but nobody actually does anything about it.

Quote #1386

Non-IB Student: If a tree falls in the woods, and no one's around to hear it, does it make a sound?

IB Student: If no one is around to hear or see this "tree", how do you know it exists?

Non-IB Student: ...

IB Student: ...and then, if you've never been to this "wood", how do you know it exists?

Non-IB Student: ...

IB Student: Moreover, where are these "woods"? You have to examine it from a cultural aspect, as well.

Non-IB Student: ...JUST FORGET IT.

Quote #411
If the forward to a book went something like this:

"This book means absolutely nothing and does not intentionally contain any underlying meanings. Any symbolism, imagery, figurative language, etc. is purely coincidental."

IB English teachers would expect an analysis essay over it from their students.

Quote #1270
When you join IB, you have frequent urges to run away screaming, but the wieght of your bookbag does not allow it.

~LHS IB Fresh

Quote #632
Q: How many IB students does it take to change a light bulb?

A: 30. One to change the bulb, and twenty-nine to reflect on the process.

Quote #718
Non-IB student: [sees an IB student walking in the morning looking like a zombie] Wow. You look dead. You’re usually so hyperactive.

IB student: [after a night of studying Biology and no sleep] I’m running on a low blood sugar level. I need more glucagon to produce glucose for my blood. My body’s homeostasis isn’t functioning properly.

Non-IB student: O.o


Quote #377
After IB Physics is over, I will throw the textbook off a cliff and calculate the momentum when it hits the ground...

Quote #51
Physics teacher: One I was on the plane and I saw some lightning between clouds in the air. It was like fireworks, so pretty!

Class: So didn't you feel uncomfortable at all that you were in a metal thing in the air in a thunderstorm?

Physics teacher: Why would I be? A plane is in a cage, it is an insulator... (insert explanation about physics)... so the only risk is really rare, and is that the plane could catch on fire, but that's not going to happen.

Class: What about the people who DIDN'T know this on the plane...?

Physics teacher: How could they not have liked the lightning show?

Quote #1251
Receiving an IB diploma is more like receiving a certificate of insanity than anything else.

Quote #1344
Remember the good old days before IB when you could sleep in class and still get A's? Well now even in my dreams I fail

Quote #614
...while studying for an IB Math SL exam...
S: ..I imagine a type of McDonald's where you drive up and ask, "Can I have a literary essay with this, this and this about this novel?"...and the dude will ask, "You want textual evidence with that?"

Quote #607
IBQuotes was born as a universal quote book for IB students who have just realised how gay IB is, across the globe. It is an unusual phenomenon that despite all these quotes, no one actually reads them and decided against doing IB. Also there is at least one student documenting and archiving funny moments of your's or therelfs self-inflicted misery (Caused of course, by the IB). IBQuotes allows you to share your experiences and thoughts with the millions of people almost commiting over IB, who are always surfing the internet.

Just like to take the time to thank IB.
We hate you.

Quote #22
Have you noticed that the physics stuff is almost like math? There's not a single number in my notes!

Quote #278
How many IB kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Only one, but it takes 12 other IB kids to stand around him while he does it, telling him what he's doing wrong and how to do it right.
-Madeline

Quote #1141
Two I.B. Students are at a Volleyball Tournament on a Saturday, in another city other than the one they practice in.

Student 1 (to her team): Hey guys, be careful of how hard you hit and serve the ball, the altitude is different.

Another Teammate: Why does the altitude matter?

Student 2: Well, the higher altitude alters the air pressure inside and outside of the ball itself, increasing the molecule movement, thus allowing for more potential energy to be translated into kinetic energy, allowing for the ball to stay suspended and go farther in the air. blah, blah, more complicated mathematical equations........

Student 1: Exactly

Another: Wow, where do you guys come up with this stuff? Are you in Physics?

Student 1 and 2 look at each other and laugh

Student 2: Nope, we're in I.B. We've been programmed to think that way. Even on a Saturday.

Student 1: So do you think we can count volleyball Hours today as creativity as well as action?

Quote #1315
It's 7:59. The class starts at 8:00.

Roomy1: Are we going to school?
Roomy2: Yeah... (continues to sleep)
Roomy1: Are we gonna call a cab?
Roomy2: No... Don't have money...
Roomy1: You know... We'd be on time only if we used a cannon.
Roomy2: Nah... We'd be a minute late coz of the air resistance.
(Both continue to sleep.)