A Man's Last Thoughts

22.12.09-

A man's last thoughts

I bob like a cork on the dark ocean. The waves, once looking so small from the ship, are actually around 6 feet tall. I'm at their mercy. The noise made by the crashing waves and the howling wind is horrendous. If not for the life-preserver, I would have drowned, not because I can't swim, but because I stopped feeling my legs long ago. According to my watch, I've been here for 5 hours.

I’m surprised I’m still alive. The other screams died out 2-3 hours ago.

The water is cold, cold, cold. I'm pretty much just a frozen block, with a heart that barely beats anymore, floating idiotically in an orange life-preserver amid the furious waves. There are no stars above me. The clouds have blocked them out. The salty water keeps getting into my eyes so I close them and take solace in my thoughts for the umpteenth time since I've been here.

Your beautiful face shines like a beacon in my mind's eye. You look at me, and your face breaks into your most dazzling smile, filling my frozen body with warmth. You walk towards me, your hips swaying entrancingly. I embrace you tightly in my arms. Your hair smells lightly of your favourite shampoo—apple-scented. Together, locked in each other's arms, we bob together on the ocean. But too quickly, you free yourself, and I remember you don't love me. You disappear in a cold haze.

A wave rolls over my head.

Still, I bask comfortably for awhile in the thought of our touch.

It's my turn to go join the others.

I force my numb hands to my stomach, where the life-preserver's fastener cinches me tight. After a struggle, I manage to release it and free myself of the ugly contraption.

I begin to sink. The sound of the churning ocean is strangely muffled under the water. My body sways far more gently with the waves down here. It's peaceful, like being in the arms of your mother when you were small and being rocked to sleep. I don't bother opening my eyes. There's nothing to see and they'll just burn in the salt water.

I conjure up your image in my head for the last time.

Your smile, your voice, your smell, your touch...

Ah...