Could Mrs. Lovett have only been a precursor?

I’m sure pretty much every individual reading this article has heard of/ seen/ worships the story turned play (turned movie) : Sweeney Todd (the demon barber of yada yada yada). You may be asking yourself how this has anything to do with our repulsive reformatory. Well, let me get to it then. To the next paragraph!

It’s popular lore in our sad excuse of an educational edifice that the food is revolting. We theorize it may even compete with airplane food (ok, sometimes it’s tolerable) or prison food (another prison reference, I’m telling you, it’s more than coincidence). The difference is they both have viable excuses for why their food is of a dubious nature. The airlines could claim it has to be able to preserve itself for some time and that they don’t really have the facilities to accommodate some more high quality victuals. The prisons could claim that the food is paid by the taxes and so producing more expensive meals would be costly and troublesome for the chefs. The schools, however, charge us a handsome amount for meals that are subpar in terms of taste AND of health. With the amount of things they recycle in the lunches, you have to wonder: If they have a lot of students, little money and they get a healthy part of their money that is not given to them by the government from the food they sell, then perhaps they have attempted to generate food from the resource that is most present. Yes, it is reminiscent of Soylent Green . What’s more is that there are small boarded up doors in the lower level that are much too small for a human. That is to say a full, non mutilated human. They probably only take the ones that are failing though since they don’t want their average of test scores to go down after having turned the brains of the school into neatly sliced pepperoni by accident (by ‘accident’ I only imply they forgot how smart the student was, not that they had chopped them up by accident).

Hence, the title of this article is explained. However, there is no tangible evidence of their actions. They must really use every scrap of meat on those bones. But, seriously, I doubt they actually do use them to produce profits. Then again, the assistant principal could pass for a lankier Helena Bonham Carter (Mrs. Lovett in Sweeney Todd the movie)...and there have been some students in this year and in previous years who have disappeared on very short notice...I’d check my pizza twice before biting down next time, just to stay on the safe side. If there is a safe side.



Lime